Things not to do at Camp Half-Blood
by hes-beauty-hes-jason-grace
Summary: After a few acts from the demigods, Chiron and Mr D are forced to draw up a few rules and regulations. As a wise fan-fiction author once said "crack crack crackity crack". *Rated T for one or two of the rules*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Rick Riordan's works, etc, etc

* * *

Percy worked on his last few blue pancakes. He looked up only occasionally to answer Annabeth, who was chatting animatedly next to him. Mr D walked upfront to make some announcements, which, of course, Percy happily ignored. Until he heard the next part;

"As some of you brats might have noticed, we put a sign up giving all the rules and regulations we've come up with after a couple acts from some demi-gods that I still haven't ruled out turning into dolphins…"

He descended into muttering as he walked off.

Chiron began handling the situation, but Percy stood up before he finished to go have a look. If those 'acts' had annoyed his least favourite god, and that was saying a lot, then they had to be good

* * *

 **1)No one is allowed to sneak into the Hypnos cabin and shave the eyebrows off of all the demigods**

 **2)Or draw on their face in sharpie**

 **3)Or cover them in shaving cream**

 **4)No one is allowed to put sunglasses on the Poseidon statue**

 **5)Or change the inscription to "Broseidon, god of the brocean"**

 **6)** **Mr D is not to turn any demigods into grape vines***

 **7)Demigods are not to insult the God of Wine's fashion sense unless they want to be turned into grape vines***

 **8)No one is to lock Nico and Will in the cupboard to see if "hot, gay sex occurs"**

 **9)Or Nico and Percy**

 **10)No one is allowed to put up signs saying "Warning: flesh-eating horses" outside the pegasus stables**

 **11)"I was possessed by Gaea" is not an excuse for the above**

 **12)Or below**

 **13)In no event is any child of Zeus allowed near the microwave**

 **14)Greek armor is not to be used as a jello-mold**

 **15)Or a sled**

 **16)Whoever replaced the entire Cabin Seven weapons stash with suction-tip arrows will be found and punished**

 **17)And whoever wrote" home of Katniss Everdeen" in enchanted ink on the cabin walls**

 **18)As well whoever added " and Clint Barton"**

 **19)Certain Gods of Wine are not to be spray painted neon pink**

 **20)Demigods are not to hide the door to Cabin 13, unless they want to be sent to the underworld. Again**

 **21)Chiron does not swish his hair "because he's worth it"**

 **22)No one is allowed to declare "Hug Mr D" day**

 **23)Or "Naked Friday"**

 **24)Super-gluing people to their seats in the dining hall, however funny, is not to be done**

 **25)Chickens are not to be stored on the camp grounds ever again**

 **26)No one is to ask Chiron what happened with the chickens**

 **27)Whoever wrote "this side up" in enchanted ink on Mr D's feet while he was sleeping will be punished**

 **28)The owner of the pen with enchanted ink will be found and dealt with**

 **29)You cannot fly a pegasus with your nose. Don't try**

 **30)Walls are not exits and are not to be treated as such**

 **31)Annabeth and Percy are not to be asked about the bunk-bed incident**

 **32) Neither is Chiron**

 **32)Any demigods who pour buckets of water over the beds of the camp directors, especially while they are still in them, and shout that "the titans are attacking" will be dealt with severely**

 **34)The next person to forward a "send this to 15 Christmas hoes" chain message to the camp directors will be severely dealt with**

 **35)The wine of the gods is not for half mortals**

 **36)The next demigod to get drunk on wine from the gods and yell" I'm a bird, motherfuckers" through all hours of the night will clean the stables for the next month**

 **37)Any demigods who change every word on the camp directors' phones to immediately correct to "HELL YEAH" will be punished**

 **38)These rules and regulations are not a challenge**

 **39)Under no circumstances are demigods to turn into pine trees (I'm looking at you, Thalia)***

 **40)Under no circumstances are demigods to add anything to this list**

* * *

 ** _* #6 is crossed out roughly in pen and_**

 ** _*#7 is written in what looks suspiciously like Dionysus' hand writing_**

 ** _* #39 is written in what looks like a camper's hand writing and has a neat line drawn through the middle, probably by Chiron_**

* * *

"Well we'd better get started," said Annabeth suddenly. Percy looked up with a confused expression.

"If we want to break all the rules before Chiron catches on," she continued, already disobeying the last one by scrawling another 'rule' under her own added 41 at the bottom of the list.

Percy gave her the one of those lopsided grins she loved so much. "Bring it on, wise girl. Bring it on."

* * *

 **A/n: I've been reading a lot of 'things not to do and got inspired. Sorry about all the horizontal lines, but I tried to give it some order so that it would be less confusing. Well, do you love it, do you hate it? Please leave a review. As always, so long and thanks for all the fish xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A long over due part two to this fic**

* * *

Only a few weeks have passed when Percy sees a very promising crowd of demigods once again crowded around a sign posted to the wall. Percy grins. This one looks much longer.

 **41) ***

 **42) STOP. ADDING. THINGS. TO. THIS. LIST**

 **43) Thanks to Nico di Angelo and Will Solace, not only are two campers of the opposite sex not allowed in a cabin unattended, but now neither are campers of the opposite sex**

 **44) Don't ask about the above law**

 **45) In fact, don't ask about any of the rules**

 **46) Will and Nico are not to lock _themselves_ in the cupboard to see if hot, steamy gay sex occurs**

 **47) Whoever programmed the Hades cabin to play "Spooky Scary Skeletons" whenever Nico goes through the door; however hilarious, you have coming whatever Nico does to you**

 **48) Just don't piss off Nico**

 **49) Children of Zeus are now not allowed around ANY electrical appliances**

 **50) The next time the Aphrodite children give Mr D a make over in his sleep, they will be punished**

 **51) Whoever is going around licking people at midnight needs to stop**

 **52) Seriously, how did you get past the cleaning harpies?**

 **53) There are to be no more window smashing contests**

 **54) Put the hot pockets back. Now**

 **55) And all the pizza rolls**

 **56) STOP PAINTING ALL THE CAMP BUILDINGS NEON PINK**

 **57) When we find the owner of the neon pink spray paint...**

 **58) The next time the Aphrodite Campers give the Pegasuses My Little Pony make overs, they will be thrown to the harpies**

 **59) Just stop giving things make overs**

 **60) Campers need to stop prank calling Olympus**

 **61) Ares does not have a refrigerator and it is not running**

 **62) Sporks are not an appropriate weapon against monsters**

 **63) When I find who put Chiron in the Pound...**

 **64) Very funny. But get your chickens out of my shower**

 **65) Chickens aren't even allowed here**

 **66) No dropping water balloons off the Empire State Building**

 **67) THE NERF WARS STOP NOW**

 **68) Travis stole is not allowed Nutella**

 **69) Just...don't ask**

 **70) Connor is no longer allowed poptarts**

 **71) Don't ask about that either**

 **72) After the incident, no one is allowed to ask who the best Avenger is**

 **73) Don't try it**

 **74) Don't even think about it**

 **75) Stop starting your own fake religions just to get out of chores**

 **76) "Washing dishes is against my religion" is no longer a valid argument**

 **77) Don't ask Chiron what happened in the strawberry fields**

 **78) Just don't**

 **80) Doors are locked for a reason**

 **81) Campers are not to refer to Mr D as "Captain tight pants"**

 **82) Nor are they to use "But they do it in Camp Jupiter" as an excuse for their behavior**

 **83) Any idea the Stoll twins have is a bad idea, no matter how funny you may think it is**

 **84) None of the gods can take you to Hogwarts, Panem, or to Narnia**

 **85) Stop asking**

 **86) Why you would even want to go to Panem is beyond me**

 **87) Stop throwing wrenches at other demigods and calling it monster training**

 **88) You cannot declare quests to go find Waldo**

 **89) Or find out where in the world Carmen Sandiago is**

 **89) Stop telling campers to lick things for scientific purposes**

 **90) No campers are allowed to ask Chiron what his hair care products are**

 **91) Stop screaming "Omg my OTP" everytime Will and Nico do something**

 **92) Stop calling them Solangelo**

 **93) PLEASE***

* * *

Percy finishes reading the rules and turns to ask Nico why he and Will aren't allowed in a cabin alone anymore. Nico very quickly shadow travels away

* * *

 _ ***41, a rule that Annabeth added last time, has been crossed out so many times that it's rendered undecipherable**_

 ** _*93, this rule is written in what looks suspiciously like Nico's handwriting_**


End file.
